No matter what anyone says, or doesn’t say, it is not easy to take that high road. I get tired of turning the other cheek or holding my tongue but at the same time, I feel I couldn’t live with myself if I traveled that low road. I feel I need to apologize if I even look at the low road. I just wonder, “Why do so many people not seem to have an issue with it?”
Example? I have a 'friend' who likes to compare our lives. Actually, he compares everyone’s lives to his own. Apparently in order for him to feel good about himself, everyone else must be doing badly. If I am not doing badly then he must criticize me, personally or my marriage, my children and even my beliefs. This way of thinking does not make me angry; it makes me feel very badly for my friend. His way is not the way to happiness.
What does make me angry is that he’ll feel justified in ‘doing something’ to me to take out vengeance. He feels justified in behaving that way to anyone. He also believes he practices the art of Buddhism while he tells you how stupid you are for thinking the way you think. He reminds me very much of Otto from A Fish Called Wanda. I think that is what I will call him from now on; Otto.
Now Otto has many, many secrets that he’s been hiding. I know them but wouldn’t dare cause him or his family pain by discussing them. He’s far from perfect but honestly, who is perfect? However, Otto wants you to believe that he is. Again, this is not something am angry about. It is something else that I feel sorry for him for. How hard is it to live a life where you can’t allow yourself to be anything less than perfect? And how complimentary to me that he constantly compares himself to me?
Okay, that was about as much of a dig as I will allow myself but not enough to take it down. Maybe that’s how it all starts…with a rationalization.
But still…I can’t help but feel horribly sad for Otto. Just a shift in perspective and I bet he’d be a happy person. I bet he’d realize he has all life has to offer right in front of him. Comparing yourself to anyone sets you up for failure. And if someone can only be happy when someone else is miserable then something isn’t quite right about that person to begin with, is there?
I digress, I was talking about the high road. I’ve had others lie to me, lie about me, try to break up my marriage, attack my kids and each time I have tried to do the right thing by approaching them and trying to discuss it like adults. The thing is no one is going to say, “I am messing with you because I’m unhappy about my life.” So talking it out with someone never does seem to help the situation any. In fact the process of being calm and trying to discuss things seems to make these people even more angry.
What can we do? What can I do? Logic never prevails because all of these people seem to have an agenda and it’s almost always about them, not me. My husband and I have a great marriage. My father-in-law even told the entire family that we have something the rest of them didn’t have and boy…that’s when the fit hit the shan. Of course, he can’t see that he started a cold war between my husband and his siblings. They can’t see that I endured attack after attack without saying a harsh word to any of them. I took that high road…
…but sometimes I wish I had jumped their asses. Sometimes I wish I had told them to jump off a cliff. I wish I had stood up for myself instead of just defending myself. I don’t understand how I could do what I thought was right and yet they still hated on me. I don’t understand how I can be kind and truthful and people be mean. I could never do that to someone.
However, sitting here now, I am proud to say I never, ever raised my voice or insulted anyone. I took the high road while they not only fought me, they fought me dirty. They tried to destroy my family. My cousin tries to tear me up. My uncle tries to close me out. My in-laws tried to shut me out. In reality…all these people have way too much time on their hands and their life is sorely lacking if they give so much of their time and energy to me.
So, every time I hear about one of them talking crap about me or see their IP number pop up I’ll pray for them. I will pray that one day they will find happiness and balance. I will pray they find something positive to do with their lives. I will pray that they live the words of their Lord instead of just preach or rationalize them. I’ll pray that they either see their lack of logic and humanity or leave me alone because I’m kind of done dealing with it all.
I can only be pushed so far and I was pushed way past that. What did I do at that breaking point? I walked away. Nothing else. I simply walked away and did not say another word to any of them. I turned the other cheek. I got on that high road and kept walking until I got home. Now, I also punched a couple of pillows and killed 100’s of Sims in their likeness…but that’s another blog.
I’m finding myself again. I just had to stop seeing myself through their eyes.
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